As we move through any transition— changing careers, healing after loss(es), starting or ending a relationship, moving to a new place, or stepping into the uncertainty of a new year—we often feel that we know the recipe: let go of the old, choose new goals, lean into what’s next. And yet… how many times have you done exactly that and still not felt the movement that you were hoping for? Was something missing all along?
A Crucial Distinction
There is a subtle yet crucial distinction (one I have witnessed for myself and for others) that can transform the way we navigate these moments: the difference between attachment and commitment.
Attachment is a form of grasping. It ties us to a specific outcome, a fixed timeline, or stories we tell ourselves about how things should unfold—or why they cannot change. Attachment constrains us. It narrows our field of vision, especially because we tend to project the future based on what we already know, what feels familiar. That familiarity can feel reassuring at first, particularly if we have experienced abandonment or instability in our lives. It is natural to hold onto something—anything—that seems steady.
It feels reassuring at first, as if it was something that we could control. But attachment weighs every step with pressure, and with the worry that if reality doesn’t match the picture in our mind, we have somehow failed. Sounds familiar?
Commitment, in contrast, is anchored in values and in our chosen way of showing up—not in outcomes. It is not about predicting the future but about aligning with who we want to be, even if we are not entirely sure yet who that is or who we might become. Commitment has an aliveness to it. It allows us to adjust the path without losing the intention, as uncertain as it might be. When we commit, we create accountability to ourselves—but we also put down the heaviness of needing things to unfold exactly as we imagine would be best.
Attachment vs Commitment: A Key Shift in Times of Transition
This distinction becomes especially powerful in transitions, when old structures are fading and new ones have not yet taken shape. It is particularly potent now, as so much around us is in deep transition as well. In these liminal spaces and times—highly unpredictable and full of shifting ground—it is absolutely normal to seek anchors. But it helps to remember this: attachment makes us contract, while commitment helps us expand. Attachment clings to the familiar, almost guaranteeing that we repeat old patterns or limit our own movement. Commitment opens us to possibility.
So, as you step into what’s ahead—whether the closing of a year, a new role, a new relationship, or simply a new phase of being—perhaps these gentle questions can guide you:
- Who and what am I attached to?
- Where can I release some rigidity in my ideas, expectations, or vision and allow a bit more breath into the situation?
- How can I choose presence over prediction to my situation?
- Where can I loosen control?
- Where might I choose to trust—even if I don’t yet believe that the very best is to come?
- What would help me feel safer during this period of transition?
- Who and what am I committed to in my life now?
- And who or what do I need to commit to moving forward?
Commitment—not attachment—is what keeps us moving, softly and steadily toward a life that feels true.
If these questions resonate, take a moment this week to sit with just one of them. Let it open something small and honest inside you. Transitions begin with awareness, not urgency.
If you are in a transition and want support or clarity along the way, reach out—I am always honored to walk a few steps alongside someone finding their way through the life journey.
Béatrice Pouligny | Shaman, Spiritual Healer and Coach
Leave A Comment